What to do today?

Besides the fact that I have to work tonight.

Ever have one of those days when you just want to get away and not think about anything having to do with home? Ok, I have those days a lot! And today is one of them.

I have to work all night tonight and tomorrow night so I don't feel like spending the day doing housework. Mainly because what I have to look forward to is putting away or storing away things that I've pulled out of storage lately in order to sort through them. It's stuff that's been packed away for years. It's just the fact of getting it done and out of the living areas so I have my floor space back from containers. You wouldn't think it would be that hard to just get it done. I wouldn't think so either but housework just seems like a neverending thing. I do it, it's immediately undone and I have to do it all again and again. Argg!

I also have a bunch of filing that's been piled instead of put away, another neverending thing it seems. And my checkbook is behind again and seems to take forever to get caught up. Why I don't just keep them done at the time I don't know. Another argg! Call it cabin fever, although it seems like I'm usually on the go, or just plain depressive at the thought.

Sometimes I think the thing to do is to just chuck it all and start over but that isn't going to happen. It's a lifetime of things.

Ok, enough of that! Every day I could write the same thing about housework and feeling trapped by the unfun of it.

A couple of my muses have been taking little skips through history in my mind trying to build up their histories for me. One of the bad things is that some of the best stops happens when I'm at work and not able to be written down. I guess it does all add together and one day I'll just sit and write and it'll all come flowing out. Ok, I can hope that will happen. I have to start allowing my mind to just relax and flow again. That hasn't been very easy for quite some time now.

In about 2 1/2 months I will be smoke-free for 2 years! A great milestone! And I'm proud of myself. Even now I still have no desire to start smoking again. But there are some things that I hate since I quit. Number 1, of course, is the weight I've put on. I would say probably a good 40 pounds. Instead of smoking I eat, but I have noticed that that aspect is starting to wind down a bit, thankfully. I still overeat but am working on it and I don't seem to be adding any on, though I'm not taking any off yet either. But I have to up my activity level a lot!

Which brings us to number 2: the lack of concentration and therefore ambition. This has a lot to do with my inability to write. Or get anything else truly done. This is the worse part of it! When I smoked I could concentrate on everything, without problem. After quitting it's gone. No matter what I try I just can't get that back. Any suggestions??? Please?? I try forcing myself and it'll work for a little while but then it's gone again. This leads to sitting a lot watching way too much tv. I've been wanting to write, sew, quilt, cross stitch, learn guitar and stuff. And then I wonder what's wrong with me. Then add in the fact that I'm 46 and into perimenopause, which they say will affect those things as well. Maybe I'm just doomed! Maybe I need a vacation to some quiet, peaceful place where I can just think and work through my mental blockages.

I think that's a good reason why I'm on the go a lot. I've always been a homebody but the past few years, even throughout winters, I take off and go to the city and spend money I shouldn't. But I don't have to concentrate and it gives instant gratification and a feeling of at least doing something. And I keep hoping that something will bootkick me into wanting to do things again. (Yes I know that shutting the tv off and getting used to it being off would help. Maybe when it warms up outside.)

Has anyone else suffered this afliction after quitting smoking? Is it an age thing more than anything? Is there any hope for me? Ok, I hate to say it but maybe I just need to get laid, but that's another blog for another time. :)

Ok, now that I've again bored you to tears I will go ahead and leave you for now. Not sure what I'll do yet before work but hopefully it'll be something constructive.

Have a great day, happy blog readers! I'll probably catch you this weekend when I have off. Friday night might be busy as Bernie promised me to either take me out for dinner or order in at his place. We'll see. Especially since it looks that he'll be moving out of state to get a job. Man, I do with the job markets would go back to the way they used to be.